Diesel's Choice

  Diesel’s Choice

  Lauren Firminger

  Table of Contents

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Copyright © 2020 Lauren Firminger

  All rights reserved.

  Published by Lauren Firminger

  ISBN

  ISBN

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including photo copying, recording, electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the publisher, except in case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organisations, places, and incident are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  This book is licensed for you personal enjoyment only. It may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to the seller and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the authors work.

  Cover Design by Tash Drake of Outlined with Love Designs https://www.facebook.com/outlinedwithlove/

  Editing by Emma Mack of www.ultraeditingco.com

  Formatting by Formatting the affordable way https://www.facebook.com/Formattinganddesignbyjaye/

  CHAPTER ONE

  Diesel

  Being a girl in an MC Club, it was a constant battle of having to either prove myself to these assholes or dealing with the vulgar comments that come my way. Raven and the boys were respectful all of the time, but it was the other clowns that came through here that needed to be put back in their place. When the nomads rolled through, being the mechanic for the club, I liked to keep myself locked away in the garage working on their bikes or cars whenever they needed it. With them, at least, they didn’t talk back or try and hit on me. I knew how they worked and could work out what was wrong with their bikes and help fix them.

  People though, they were complicated. Men especially. They hide shit from you and no matter how badly you may want to help them, you just can’t for the life of you figure out what is wrong with them. Then one day it comes out that the man you loved had been hiding the biggest secret from you. He tried to hurt one of his brother’s girlfriends because he still loved her and was jealous that she had moved on. It’s then that you realize that while you loved him with all you had, to him, you would always be second best. He couldn’t have the one he wanted so he settled for you and that hurt like hell. Try as you might though, you can’t move on because he still has a hold on you. It was pathetic and stupid and not like you at all. You were just his dirty little secret. I had managed to bury all those feelings down and pretend like I wasn’t hurting. I painted a smile on my face every day to hide that I was dying inside. I could hide it from the boys. All but one. He saw through me, made sure I didn’t do anything stupid or reckless. He made me eat, drink, and not give into the darkness that threatened to take over every day.

  It was a very dark time for me. The days bled into nightfall and for a good few weeks, it took a lot for me to drag myself out of bed and out of the house. It sucked having the rug pulled out from under me and putting so much into one person. Once I was feeling better, well as good as I could feel, I had decided that I would never put myself in that situation again. Falling in love, for me, was always the easy part. I wear my heart on my sleeve and love deeply. No matter how many times I get hurt, I brush it off and search again. It wasn’t until I had worked out why I was repeating the same cycles over and over. I didn’t want to be in a relationship with just anyone. I wanted one person in particular and it wasn’t until things didn’t work out between Freddie and Ellie that he decided that we could turn our friendship into something. Was he looking to fill the space that she left? Maybe and I should have seen the warning signs again, but for me, he was the one I could see myself being with. We could talk for hours over cars and other random shit. He would often come over and spend the night purely because we were up ‘til the sun came up.

  For a long time I blamed myself for what he went through. I should have seen that he was slipping or that something was wrong. Cameron had to sit me down and tell me that he felt the same. All of the guys did. We saw him every day but we all missed the signs. Well no, we didn’t miss them. Freddie had just been damn good at hiding behind the mask he wanted us to see. After he went into rehab, I went back to being just Diesel. The chick that fixed their bikes. I missed being the one that someone loved. It was then I said enough was enough. No more letting him get to me. I thought about everything I wanted and all the goals I had set for myself and refocused. Every day from there, it got a little easier to breathe and not feel like my world was breaking apart. I could get through days without breaking down in tears, which turned into weeks. I could be around people again and genuinely laugh. Over time, my broken heart began to heal again. So when Cameron came into the workshop, I had no idea he was about to drop the mother of all bombs on me or if I could withstand the blast. Fuck this was gonna hurt like Hades though.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Diesel

  “Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck!” I cursed when I smacked my head against the car that I was under. Hearing a deep chuckle coming from the room, I groaned. Someone had heard that?

  “Wow, Rubes, you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

  “Nah, I prefer to kiss yours with it.” Pulling myself out from under the car, I looked up and saw Cameron standing there grinning down at me.

  “You okay?” Nodding, I held up my hand to him, taking my hand he pulled me to my feet.

  “Yeah, nothing I haven’t done a million times before. I’m just glad it wasn’t hot or I would have ended up with the burn mark to go with my stupidity. You good? What brings you out here? Have you trashed your bike again? I am gonna take it off you one of these days if you don’t start treating her right.”

  “Hey, there is nothing wrong with my bike! You make it sound like that last incident was my fault.” I laughed. He had me there. “I actually came to check up on you. Make sure you are okay.” I moved to wipe my hands on a rag. Turning and looking over at Raven, my back lent against my work bench.

  “It’s been a rare good day. Been keeping myself busy. Is there a reason I wouldn’t be though?” He ran a hand over the back of his neck, gripping it. Something he only did when he was nervous. Why was he nervous right now? The look on his face though, told me that as good as I was feeling today, that was about to change. “Why do I feel like that is about to go out the window?” I chewed on the inside of my lip and braced myself.

  “Ruby... He’s back. In town I mean. The club is still to vote on his position here but we had to call him back.” Grabbing the nearest thing to me, I threw it against the far wall.

  “For fuck’s sake Cameron! What the hell?! Why the fucking hell would you not tell me before he got back here so I could get the fuck away! I was just starting to feel good and you go a blindside me with this bullshit!”

  “Rubes, I’m sorry! We had no other choice! Please believe that. I didn’t have time to tell you beforehand. We needed him in ASAP.�
�

  “That is bullshit Cameron and you fucking know it! You may have had to bring him back, for whatever the damn reason is this time but you of all people made the choice not to tell me until right now! Who needed saving this time?” I crossed my arms over my chest, my brow raised as I waited for his answer.

  “Abby and Rosa.” Lifting my foot from the ground, I raised my leg and kicked the car that I had just been under. Snatching my keys off the bench behind me, I shoved past Cameron and pulled my workshop door open. I could hear him calling out to me but answered him with just the flipping of my middle finger. “RUBY! Wait!”

  “Go to hell Cameron!” Reaching my car, I turned to look his way and stopped dead seeing Freddie standing behind him. Taking a deep breath, I look away. “Keep him the fuck away from me or so help me God, nothing you have seen will compare to the hell I will bring your way! I mean it. I want nothing to do with him! He is dead to me!” I didn’t miss the look on Freddie’s face at those words. Opening my car door, I got in and put the keys in the ignition, starting it up. Pulling out of my space, I left the compound in about five seconds. I didn’t even stop to look that nothing was coming as I left the driveway. Stupid move on my part, but I had to get out of there. Freddie was as toxic as they come. I couldn’t be pulled into that again. I was surprised that JD hadn’t pulled the mother of all bitch fits when he found out. He had tried to kidnap his girl after all. I could feel the tears building and tried to blink them back. No. He couldn’t win like this. I had cried too many tears over him already. I couldn’t keep doing it. Just because he was back, it didn’t mean shit for us. I was out of town as soon as I could pack my bag and leave. Pulling into my driveway, I took my keys out of the ignition and went inside. Heading straight for my bedroom, I moved to my closet and took my suitcase down. Putting it on my bed and opening it up, I began chucking clothes and boots in there. I had no idea where I was gonna go and right now, I didn’t care, I just needed to get out of this town. I could semi deal with this shit when I knew I wasn’t about to turn a corner and see him but now that he was back in town, I needed to not be. I wouldn’t make Cameron choose between him or me. I was going to make that decision. I went into the bathroom and grabbed my makeup case, my toiletries and anything else I needed in there and put them into my suitcase before closing it up. Unplugging my charger from beside the bed and made sure my house was locked up, which being a single woman who lived alone I had that shit like Fort Knox, and wheeled my suitcase to the front door. Opening it up and seeing JD standing there, about to raise his hand to knock, I stepped out and locked my front door.

  “Going somewhere, Ruby?” He asked me, sounding confused.

  “Yep! As far away from here as I can get. Pass that on to Raven for me. Consider this a leave of absence.”

  “When are you coming back?”

  “When hell freezes over.”

  “Okay...”

  “What are you doing here JD? You have never been here before, why is today of all days different?” I knew the answer to that question. I wanted to know though, on whose orders brought him to my doorstep or if he was here of his own accord. From my knowledge, Raven was the only one who knew about mine and Freddie’s relationship. He and I decided early on that we were going to keep this quiet in case it didn’t work. I didn’t want the rest of the club to think I was sleeping my way into the club. I wasn’t part of the table for big decisions or anything as I wasn’t one of the main ten that started the club, but I didn’t even want to be at that table. These boys had become like a second family to me though and made it feel like home.

  “I just...”

  “Just what? You have never been here before JD, why now? Just spit it out.” Moving to the trunk of my car, I put my key in and unlocked it. Lifting my suitcase and putting it in, I closed it again and rest my hand against it, the other resting on my hip. “Did you know?” He nodded and I had to keep from punching something.

  “Not until it was too late though. We got to the location the girls were being held at and Raven told us he pulled Freddie in to help save Rosa, he had no other choice. Corey was hell bent on saving them both, but it wouldn’t have worked. We needed Freddie. He is the only one who has the stealth and accuracy to be able to take the shot to take out Paul. Raven has been torn up about this since he made the call. Please, I know it’s a shit situation he has put you in and believe me, Ellie wants to nut Raven for dragging him back but please don’t be too hard on him, Raven feels like shit about this.”

  “It’s not the call that he made, JD. I get that he makes tough calls as Pres and sometimes we aren’t going to like them but right now, for me, it’s him not telling me until now that has pissed me off. I don’t know how much you know or what Cameron has told you, but I have been in a really bad place since all that shit went down with him and Ellie. I didn’t deal well with it and I’m still not but I was just starting to be happy again and now he is back. Being blinded with this is the last thing I needed. Do me a favor?”

  “Depends what it is, but okay?”

  “Tell Ellie I am all for her nutting Raven.” He cleared his throat and nodded.

  “Noted.” I moved to get in my car, JD stepping away as I reversed out of my driveway. Heading for the edge of town, I wanted myself as far away as I could before nightfall came and I needed to stop for the night. Once morning came, I would keep going. I had no plan but I did have a tank full of gas and money. I had everything I needed.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Freddie

  I knew coming back to Fernando would be a mistake, but until I saw the look on Ruby’s face and those words leave her mouth, that I realized just how big of a mistake it was. Had I of known that Raven didn’t tell her that I was back, I would have handled this a lot differently. A lot of people weren’t happy with me being back in town or him for pulling me back, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

  “Fuck!” Raven moved back to me after watching Ruby race out of here like she had the devil on her back. He ran his hands over his face and looked like he was ready to hit something. Hell if he wanted, we could go down to that ring and he could go all in on me for all the shit that I have put him through. He knew that I wasn’t back to hurt anyone. I wanted to make amends for what I did and who I hurt. Rather than seeking help when I knew I had a problem, I let it get out of my control and hurt the one person I cared about. Not to mention my brother and his girl. Did I love Ellie? Sure, once upon a time I had, I knew we didn’t work though. My biggest regret was Ruby getting caught up in all of that. I wanted to get myself clean before I tried to contact her and explain but I think I had left it too late.

  “I’m sorry, Raven, I shouldn’t be here. I should have stayed home.”

  “It’s not your fault. I should never have kept this from her. She should have been the first person to know that you were coming back.” He pulled out his phone. “Maybe I can get JD to talk to her. If anyone understands her anger, it will be him and Ellie.”

  “I’ll try not to take that personally.”

  “I’m not gonna sugar coat things for you, Freddie. You fucked up badly. You pissed off the boys for not coming clean with us all sooner, you fucked with Ellie so you are always gonna be on JD’s shit list, and Ellie, well no explanation needed there. Ruby took all this the hardest though. Our guys are forgiving when it’s one of our own so you may be able to gain back their trust, but Rubes, well you heard her.” He let out a sigh before moving inside. I followed him and it took all I had not to go to the bar and swipe the bottle of Jack that was calling my name. Instead I followed him to his office and sat down in front of him. “I’m gonna ask you this once, are you sure you are okay to be back?”

  “Honestly, I thought coming back would be a mistake and now that I’m here that feeling is getting stronger, but not because I am gonna relapse or anything. Just from the damage I have done.”

  “That doesn’t answer the question.”

  “Yes, I am fine to be back. Isolation an
d solitude have done me wonders.” He gave me a skeptical look.

  “Right just know if you pull that shit again though, I will kill you myself.”

  “Noted.”

  “Please, do me a favor though, stay away from Ruby. She needs to wrap her head around all this.” I nodded and he seemed to relax a little. We chatted for a little while about my rehab and what my sponsor thought about me coming back but the truth was, we always knew I would be back here. MC life is all I know and I wouldn’t know how to survive without it. I knew Raven would keep me on the straight and narrow now that he knew but more than that, it was Ruby. I owed it to her to clean up my shit. I had been toxic for her. The sound of Raven’s phone going off pulled me from my thoughts. He put it on loudspeaker.

  “How’d you go?”

  “Dude, she’s gone.”

  “What?”

  “I got there and she was leaving the house with her suitcase. Didn’t say where she was going or for how long and to be honest, I didn’t ask considering the circumstances, I don’t blame her. She told me to tell you to consider it a leave of absence.”

  “Wait is he talking about Ruby?” Raven nodded and I cursed. Well fuck!

  “Thanks for trying, JD.”

  “Want me to come back?”

  “Nah go home. Ellie could use you there more than we need you here.”

  “You mean you need me there more?”

  “No, what I need is for you to keep her from killing me.”

  “Isn’t that the same thing?”

  “Yeah, I guess.” I listened to the conversation between Raven and JD but all I could think about was how I can make this right if she wasn’t here. Buying her presents and shit wouldn’t work. Ruby couldn’t be brought. She was an action speaks louder than words and money can. Raven sat his phone on his desk and just watched me. “I know what you are thinking. We just need to give her the space she has asked for.”