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  “You’re right. I guess the shock of him being back hit and I didn’t stop to think about what I was doing. I didn’t even think about where I was going when I left. I just drove. It wasn’t until I slept on it that I knew where I needed to go and that was to come home.”

  “I don’t blame you, I think anyone in that situation would have reacted to the fight or flight instinct. Now that you have a clearer head though, would you have made that same decision?” I shook my head. In the cold light of day, I wouldn’t. Had I have been given some warning then I could have dealt with it but the shock of it all had me running away. Dad wrapped his arms back around me. “Give it the rest of the week then go home. We love you and are here for you. I will not even tell your brothers about this so that you can get home and kick his ass before they want to.” I laughed and rested my head on his chest.

  “Thanks, Dad. You’ve always made me feel better.”

  “Always will do, Princess. Just know if he hurts you again, in any way I will be headed there to kick his ass.” I was going to take his advice. I was going to see out the week, spend time with my family before I go home and deal with this shit head on.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Diesel

  After spending the week with my family, I headed home and went back to reality. I took the day off after I got back before heading back into the workshop. To be honest, I kind of missed working. It kept me sane most of the time. I put my phone in the dock and pressed play on the playlist. I turned on the computer and brought up the listing of all the repairs that were due in today. I had a few bikes that were easy repairs and a service so nothing too bad for my first day back. After the first bike came in, my day went pretty quickly. Humming along to the music that was filling the silence, I heard a throat clear behind me. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Freddie standing there.

  “I thought I had made my feelings for you pretty clear.”

  “No, you did. Being told that you are dead to them by the woman that you love was received loud and clear.”

  “Really? Because here you are in my doorway.”

  “You can’t avoid me forever, Ruby.”

  “No, but I can try Freddie. Just because you are back in the club doesn’t mean our paths need to cross. I spend all of my time here and you don’t need to.”

  “Is that how it’s gonna be?”

  “Yep, you stay out of my way and I will stay out of yours.”

  “Ruby, please don’t be like that.”

  “Freddie, you need to leave me alone. I’m not fucking kidding. The hell you put me through damn near killed me. Until I am ready to face you, you need to stay away! I can’t deal with you.”

  “Ruby...”

  “Just fuck!” I turned around to meet his gaze. “Why can’t you get this through your head. You destroyed me and dealing with the idea of you coming back has been hard enough. I can’t do this. Why can’t you respect that? What do you want from me?!” He moved over and stood in front of me. His hands gripped my face as he looked down at me. He pressed his lips against mine in a heated kiss.

  “I want you. Please, give me a second chance? I wish I could take back all the hurt that I’ve caused you, but I can’t. I want to make it up to you though. I love you. You are the one I want to be with, the one I want to wake up next to. I want to build a life with you. What is it going to take for you to believe me?” I placed my hands against his chest, pushing him back.

  “I can’t do that. I gave you chance after chance and you broke me. The others may be able to forgive you or look the other way but I can’t. You fought for Ellie but you couldn’t do that with me.”

  “I’m doing that now! I gave you your space but Ruby, I can’t do that anymore. I need you to believe me. I made mistakes before. I shut you out when I should have let you in. If I couldn’t trust anyone else, I should have been able to trust you, but instead I shut you out. I need to make things right again.”

  “You can’t. The damage is done. We will talk when we need to but I can’t be anything more than that Freddie. You have done enough damage. I have already given you too much power by running away when you got back, but I need to look out for me now because no one else is. Please, I am begging you, just leave me alone. We are done.” His hands dropped to his sides and he let out a sigh.

  “I’m sorry you feel that way, Diesel.” I felt an ache in my chest as he used my club name. I watched him turn and leave the workshop without another word and let out a breath. Sitting down on the stool beside my workbench, I covered my face with my hands and took a minute. Everything in me was wanting to crumble, but I had to stand my ground. He was saying all the things that I wanted to hear but that is all they were at this stage. They were just words. Taking a deep breath, I dropped my hands and saw Cameron standing there.

  “Welcome back.”

  “Thanks. Already had the welcoming party though so you’re a little late.” Grabbing the wrench I wanted, I crouched down and started working on the bike I needed to.

  “He means what he says, Ruby.”

  “That’s awesome, Cameron. I asked for one thing though and none of you can fucking do that. Keep him away from me. It’s not a hard ask.”

  “Come on, Ruby, you are in the same club. Can you really avoid him?”

  “What, so I’m just supposed to join the lobotomy club and forget everything he has done and jump straight to forgiveness? Fuck that. I ran away for fuck’s sake. He is poison to me, Cameron and toxic to be around. Until I am ready to come around everyone just needs to stop trying to force the issue. If you can’t respect that then I will fucking leave and make it easy for everyone.”

  “You can’t mean that.”

  “Funnily enough, I am deadly serious. All I am asking is to keep him out of this workshop. I will do my thing and he can do his. I am not part of the road team so I don’t need to put myself around him. If you need me at the table, I will be there, but that is it. I have a lot of respect for you which is a huge part of why I am still here or even came back. Please just give me this one thing. I have never asked you for anything. I don’t give you trouble. I come in, get my shit done and leave. I want to continue to do that.” He nodded.

  “Okay, if that is what you want then I will respect that and make sure that he does too.”

  “Thank you.” He moved over and gave my shoulder a soft squeeze.

  “It’s good to have you back, Rubes. If you need anything, you know where we are.”

  “I appreciate that.” He left me alone and I felt a massive dip in my energy. Seeing the time, I decided to go and grab a coffee and something to eat. Maybe that would help me get through the rest of the day before I could crawl into bed and relax this day away with some Winchesters. I’m not an idiot. I knew he would come to see me eventually, but day one of me being back was way too soon. I just needed to regroup and get ready for day two, hoping that Cameron was at least true to his word.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Freddie

  When I overheard the guys talking about Ruby being back, I was at war with myself. I will admit though, going to see Ruby like that probably wasn’t one of my smarter ideas. Raven was undoubtedly going to have my balls for that. I guess part of me thought when she saw me and heard me out, that she wouldn’t still wish death upon me. It was selfish of me though because I knew what she needed was space and to not have me in her face. Now, if I wanted to keep my heart beating, I would have to put the distance she had asked for between us and leave her be. Raven warned me when she told him that she was back not to go near her. Chaos and JD warned me as well but in true fashion, I ignored that and walked out of there with my tail between my legs. I fucking hated this though, I just wanted her back. Outside after leaving Ruby, Raven headed straight for me after he saw her too.

  “What the hell, Freddie! We fucking warned you to stay the hell away from her! You just had to go ahead and do the opposite though and piss her right off!”

  “I know, I’m sorry! I thought I could get he
r to hear me out!”

  “Yes because once again you only thought about yourself and not what she wants right now!” I rubbed my hands over my face. I made a face at Raven.

  “I know! Fuck! How many times do you want me to apologize?! Fuck!”

  “Are you serious right now, Freddie? Do not get pissed at her or us because you pushed before she was ready. I don’t know what went through your head right then...” I opened my mouth to speak but he held a hand up to stop me. “Other than wanting to speak face-to-face. I get it, you want to make things right, but you are just showing her that you haven’t changed and that you are still just thinking about yourself. We can’t help you until you start helping yourself. I am begging you, leave her alone. The more caged in and pressured she feels, the more she is going to push back or run away.” I nodded and didn’t argue. I wasn’t thinking about her, I was thinking about me and what I wanted and needed.

  “I guess part of me just doesn’t want her to forget about me and move on.”

  “Bro, she could never forget about you. If she decides to move on though, you need to let her go.” I took a deep breath. Could I though? When all was said and done and she decided to move on, could I just let her walk away from us? I guess I had no other choice. I had thrown us away. It was up to her now. Resting his hand on my shoulder as he wrapped an arm around me and led me inside.

  “Come on, let’s go spar for a bit. Take your frustrations out.”

  “Sure you can keep up old man?”

  “Shut up and get your arse in the ring, Asshole!” With one last look over my shoulder at the workshop door, I disappeared inside to hopefully have Raven beat some sense into me.

  Sitting down on the bench, I wiped the towel over my face and neck as I took a drink from my water bottle. Raven had disappeared into his office. When I heard the door open, I looked over and he was coming back with something in his hand.

  “This wouldn’t be happening without you. Hailee and I wanted to give you this.” He handed me an envelope and I took it from him. Opening it up, I saw that it was an invitation to their wedding.

  “Oh wow! Are you sure?”

  “We are. As I said, if it wasn’t for you, this may not be happening. You helped to make sure my sister could be a part of it. Not to mention Hailee’s bridesmaid. It’s only right that you be there too. Only if you want to, of course.”

  “I’ll be there! I would be honored.”

  “Don’t worry about a suit. It’s not that formal.”

  “Noted, thanks, Boss. Thank Hailee too for me yeah?”

  “I will.” I looked down at the invitation in my hand. It was a small gesture from both of their parts but it spoke volumes. He clasped his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. “No matter what, Freddie, you will always be a brother to me. You stuck by me through all the bad shit and a large part of me, I owe to all of you for getting me to where I am today. It would be so easy to let our pasts pave the way for our futures, but you all helped me break that streak. You got me to her. I know it may not seem like it now but you have to have a little faith. Let the cards fall where they are meant to. I see the two of you. It’s not over yet.”

  “Thanks, boss. As much as I don’t want to, I need to let her go before she will come back to me.”

  “So I finally beat some sense into you then! Have we not been saying that?” I nodded.

  “Yep. I just wasn’t ready to hear it yet.”

  “That’s understandable. Until we are ready to accept something, we won’t.” He gave my shoulder another squeeze before excusing himself. I needed to go and shower, maybe take a ride. Anything to keep my mind of letting go of the woman I love after fighting so long to keep that hold. It got me through so many dark nights and hard times. Now what do I do? Just breathe. This will all be okay.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Diesel - Four Months Later

  It had been four months since Freddie had come back and after the initial interaction, he had done as I had asked and kept his distance, and stayed well away from me. I knew it couldn’t be easy for him but he respected what I needed. With time though, it brought me the clarity that I was looking for. The club girls had been throwing themselves at him since he had come back to town, but he always turned them down. He still wasn’t drinking or any of the other shit he had been doing so he was well and truly back as the Freddie that I had fallen in love with. So after four months, I had decided to cut him some slack. I was in my workshop, having a conversation with Ellie about her car when he walked in. I had to do repairs on his bike for him, which was brought to me by Cameron but he had to come and collect it because Cam was out of town with Hailee.

  “Sorry, you’re busy. I can come back.”

  “Freddie, wait!” He turned back to me. I met his eyes for a brief moment, enough to send my heart racing, before reaching behind Ellie and grabbing his key. I crossed the workshop and held it out to him. “It’s ready to go. If you have any problems though, bring it back and I will take another look at it. It should be a smooth ride though.”

  “Thanks, Diesel, what do I owe you?” I swallowed when he used my road name again. I still wasn’t used to him calling me that but he was keeping it professional and it killed me to hear.

  “Nothing. This one’s on the house.” He took the key from me and his fingers brushed my hand. With a small smile, he was gone and I was left alone with Ellie.

  “He isn’t a bad guy you know.” The sound of her voice pulled me back to reality.

  “I’m quite aware of that, Ellie.”

  “So why are you treating him like he is?”

  “Why does everyone see me as the one punishing him? He fucking destroyed me when we lost him. He went back to trying to get you while I was at home waiting for him. I loved him and he took that and fucked it up! So I needed a bit to deal with the fact that I still loved him and to try and get that trust back. Something I can’t do when he is near because every rational thought I have just disappears out of my head!” Her head turned to the side as she studied me.

  “There’s more though.” I let out a small sigh and nodded.

  “Seeing him again, I feel guilty.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I should have seen there was a problem. The drugs and the alcohol making him spiral out of control like he did. I should have seen it coming and gotten him help before someone else got hurt. He never would have come for you and he and I would still be okay.”

  “Ruby, if we are playing that game, he was one of our best friends. I should have seen it. The guys should have seen it being around him every day, but it was all on Freddie. He hid it damn well because he didn’t want anyone to see it. He’s back now and better. He has been doing really well. You can see something is missing though.” I nodded again at her words. I watched him and he was back to his old self. Smiling and laughing with the boys. He wasn’t his old self completely. “I went and saw him while he was in rehab. JD still doesn’t know and Freddie promised me that he would take it to his grave but while I was there, he told me that he was sorry for what he put me through which is why it was so easy for me to forgive him when he came back, but that was nothing on how he felt about what he did to you. He told me that he would spend the rest of his life making it up to you if that was what it was going to take, but you are it for him. If you don’t feel the same Ruby, you need to cut him loose so that he can move on. You have both been through enough. It’s time to stop running from the issue. Cameron and the guys might be okay with staying quiet but he is still one of my friends and I can’t watch this any longer.”

  “If you want to bring your car in tomorrow, I can fit it in. Otherwise I can do it next week for you.” I needed the subject change. Badly.

  “Thanks, Ruby, I appreciate that.” I walked her out and looked over to where I had Freddie’s bike parked. It was still there which meant he hadn’t left yet. Just as I went to walk toward the clubhouse, he came out. He looked up and saw me standing there.

  “Diesel, yo
u okay?” Shaking my head. Ellie’s words had hit hard and I knew, she was right.

  “Not really, no. Are you going somewhere?” I motioned to his bike.

  “I was but it was just a ride. You want to talk about it?”

  “Can you meet me at the Coffee Spot in about twenty minutes?”

  “Sure.” He stepped past me and moved over to his bike. Going back inside my workshop, I went into the change room I had in there and got out of my overalls. I really wanted to go home and shower first but I didn’t want to lose my nerve. Pulling my long red hair into a ponytail, I sprayed some deodorant and followed it up with some perfume. Grabbing my phone and keys, I went out to my car after locking up the workshop and headed to the Coffee Spot. Freddie and I used to come here a lot when we were first dating so I was hoping it would be a good place to start over. I pulled into a spot and got out of the car. Locking it behind me, I headed inside and saw Freddie sitting down already. Sliding into the booth across from him, I gave him a smile. “I ordered already.”

  “Thank you.” We sat there in silence while I tried to gather my thoughts into something that resembled a coherent sentence and not the jumbled mess in my head.

  “I’m not ready to be just another one of your mistakes.” I blinked at his words. “If you brought me here to say that there is no chance for us, I don’t want to hear it. Don’t give up on me Ruby because I sure as hell am not.”

  “That’s not what I brought you here to say. The opposite actually. I’m just having a little trouble with words unlike someone.”

  “I’ve never known you to have trouble with speaking your mind.” He flashed me a grin, one that I wanted to hit him for because it made me relax a little.